Men’s Interests

From a single dad in the Yahoo Single-Parents- group, about a day in church with his daughter:

When she was five, I dressed her up in her Sunday best and headed off to Mass. This is the really long Mass a week before Easter. Of course she wouldn’t sit still through the long Mass and I kept having to whisper and sign to her to be still.

Eventually she had enough and when I whispered her to be quiet, she yelled “NO!�? at the top of her voice. Unfortunately this also coincided with the priest asking “Do you renounce the devil and all his works?�?

Everyone turned to see the devil child and the priest stared down from the pulpit and yelled back “YES!�?

I had to pick up my devil child and take the walk of shame down the aisle and out of the church. It took me a couple of weeks to pluck up the courage to return to that church.

Being a single dad is interesting at times.

dad father daughter church silly humor

The note below was written recently by a new mother to an online single parent peer support group, and will come as quite a surprise to many fathers denied custody by vengeful ex-partners and the family courts. Luckily this new mom found Single-Parents- on Yahoo Groups, whose members are described as:

…male, female, young, old, separated, divorced, widowed, never married, custodial, non-custodial, joint-custodial, straight, gay, bisexual, many religions, non-religious, biological , grand, foster, ex-step, and adoptive parents.

Her note:

…I want to thank all of you for your input on my last post about shared custody, based on my own thoughts and what you have all shared with me I have decided to agree to the shared custody wishes of my son’s dad. Though there are obviously going to be some stipulations I really do believe that the shared custody will not only be good for my son but also our relationship.

With 71% of Single-Parents-’s 3639 members being heterosexual single mothers, one might expect a new mom to be advised to fight for complete control when discussing child custody, something often suggested by attorneys and promoted on radical feminist and quasi domestic violence forums. Discussions like that occured before the group was assigned to Teri Stoddard, blogger on the worldwide family law reform movement and egalitarian.

Now new members to Single-Parents- are often pleasantly surpised by the interactions on the forum, writing

“I’ve read so many helpful posts already. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one dealing with these things,”

“It’s great to read posts by single dads. You guys have renewed my faith in men,” and

“I got angry. But now I get it. I’m trying to see it from his perspective and I see that helping.”

Makes ya wanna smile, doesn’t it?

Was Mr. McCormick discriminated against? Would this, could this happen to a mother?

Toddler in state custody after father dies in homeless shelter

Associated Press

PADUCAH, Ky. - A 14-month-old boy was hospitalized after going unattended in his crib for as much as a day after his father died at a western Kentucky homeless shelter, officials said.

The boy was dehydrated, but otherwise OK after being taken to an emergency room in Paducah on Thursday, McCracken County Coroner Dan Sims said.

The boy’s father, Charles McCormick, was found at the River City Mission on Thursday afternoon. Sims said McCormick appeared to have died from a gastrointestinal hemorrhage within 24 hours of being found. No autopsy will be conducted.

The Kentucky Department for Children and Family Services took custody of the child.

Bryan Partain, director of operations for the shelter, said McCormick moved in about two months ago after he was separated from his wife. McCormick had sole custody of his son, and the mother had no visitation rights, he said.

Information from: The Paducah Sun

Suddenly find yourself with a newborn and have no experience in the matter? Here are some practical suggestions from a mother-of-four, grandmother and child care professional:

1. FOOD:

Find a formula that is readily available, inexpensive and preferably powdered in large cans. All you need is water and bottles and you’re good-to-go. If the baby has any digestive problems try different brands or soy formula. You don’t have to worry about solid food for six months.

2. DIAPERING:

Find disposable diapers and babywipes that are inexpensive. Get the thick type. The wipes in the round plastic container are too thin. If no other brand is on sale for a better price, get the store brand.

If the baby shows any signs of irritation try different brands, all natural wipes or soft paper towels and water. Thick white diaper cream is the best.

TRAVEL:

Get some sort of bag to keep the baby stuff in, that you can take with you and leave with other people when they are caring for the baby. It can be cool, like a gym bag or a piece of luggage; it doesn’t have to be a “diaper bag.”

Include a can of powdered formula, 2 bottles, several bottles of water, (you’ll need extra to rinse the bottles), diapers, wipes, plastic grocery bags, and 4 or more outfits. Use the plastic grocery bags for storing dirty clothing and disposing used diapers when you’re out. Include a notebook with all of your contact information, medical cards and medical release forms for sitters.

You must use an approved infant carseat. You can usually get one free if you can’t afford it. Secure it in the backseat, facing backwards. The type with detachable bottoms that stay in the car are wonderful.

CLOTHING:

Forget fashion. Keep it simple. Head-to-toe onsies and footed sleepers are all you need. If it’s cold, add more layers. If it’s warm, less layers. You don’t have to deal with complicated clothing until the baby starts to stand.

BABYWHISPERING:

If the baby is crying after a feeding, diaper change and burping, hold and comfort him. Put him over your heart, breath slowly and send him relaxation. Walk or rock in a rocking chair. Use the shushing sound; it comforts babies. Tell him he’ll feel better, that you’re going to help him. If you believe it, he can believe it.

When a baby is very young, you do whatever it takes to comfort them. You can’t just lay them down and tell them to go to sleep. Many new parents find themselves waking up in a rocking chair with their baby asleep on their chest.

If nothing works, if the crying is shrill like the baby is feeling sharp pain, call the doctor.

Let’s see…what have I left out? What would you suggest?

baby babycare daddy dad father newborn fatherhood babyformula diapers diapering babyclothes babywipes babybottles rockingchair diaperbag carseat

Try making these ornaments with your kids. What fun! You can get the necessary supplies at your local craft store, or most large stores like Walmart and Kmart.

In this Contra Costa Times article Separated But Equal McVal Osborne interviewed local teens whose parents chose collaborative divorce and/or shared parenting. Osborne is a junior at Las Lomas High School in Walnut Creek [California] and a member of the Times’ Life in Perspective, a board made up of local high school journalists.

Says Michael Saarela, a junior who rotates weekly among three households, his mother’s, his stepmother’s, and his father’s:

“I feel that kids who go through divorce are more vivacious and vibrant. I’ve been moving from house to house all my life and it’s taught me a lot. It’s taught me how to be patient.”

Sydney Koliha, a junior who transfers weekly from Walnut Creek to Berkeley and back says:

“Nobody could give me a greater gift than the struggle I had when I was growing up. It allowed me to be independent and learn to take care of myself.”

Sounding like a typical teen from an intact family, Max Nied complained:

“It’s kind of a pain. If I want to go out Saturday night I have to get permission from my dad, and then I have to get permission from my mom to get picked up.”

Then went on:

“I would have to say my family situation is good and bad. I get to see both of my parents every week while my stepsister Aimee only gets to see her dad about once every month…”

More about collaborative divorce:

“The biggest difference between collaborative divorce and litigation is that the parents must agree to try to do what is best for the kids,” says attorney Michael Carter, a member of the Collaborative Practice Group of Contra Costa.

Peggy Thompson, also a member of the CPGCC, believes strongly that children should have the right to influence how the divorce is resolved.

“The most important thing is that the children have their own person to talk to,” says Thompson, a family psychologist and co-author of ‘Collaborative Divorce: The Revolutionary New Way to Restructure Your Family, Resolve Legal Issues, and Move on with Your Life.’ “Very often their ideas are not taken into consideration.”

According to Thompson, questions of child custody should not be set in stone. As families change and the children mature, it may become obvious that child visitations should be modified.

“In collaborative practice, we use a whole different vocabulary because we aren’t dealing with court cases; we’re dealing with human beings,” Thompson says. “Think of the word ‘custody’ — we take criminals into custody. I prefer to think of it as a plan for parenting.”

Thompson says that with the right amount of guidance from child specialists, teens can often create their own schedules that support their developmental needs.

“When teenagers are able to make their calendar, they seem to have much better relationships with their parents,” Thompson says. “Kids that have no say in where they go often become depressed because they lose control over their own lives.”

Collaborative Divorce: The Revolutionary New Way to Restructure Your Family, Resolve Legal Issues, and Move on with Your Life

The Collaborative Way to Divorce: The Revolutionary Method that Results in Less Stress, Lower Costs, and Happier Kids–Without Going to Court

divorce, child custody, shared parenting, collaborative divorce

I really wanted to do a post about Penn and Teller’s Bleeding Heart. I found an easy recipe here, along with others like Freaky Witches’ Fingers and Brittle Meringue Bones. But in doing research for the Bleeding Heart recipe I couldn’t find a single local store that sold human heart jello molds, and there isn’t time to order one online. Some of the online stores were even sold out.

But I just can’t let this holiday pass us by without at least showing you the video and offering you the recipe. Maybe you’re creative enough to come up with your own mold. This will take some time to pull off, but it’s sure to get a rise out of your kids.

I just came across this easy-to-make recipe for Chicken Breasts with Spicy Honey-Orange Glaze on ivillage.com. Now, if I was making it, I’d probably leave out the pepper flakes, green onions (when serving it to kids), parsley and possibly the orange zest (grated orange peel for those who don’t know.) I seriously doubt it would change the taste that much, and if I don’t already have these items onhand I wouldn’t want to buy them for one recipe. Note* Some pizza places give away small packages of red pepper flakes with their pizza.

You can serve the chicken with a salad, and the easy apple dessert Baked Apple Snack below, also from ivillage.com.

A sweetly spicy sauce dresses up your chicken main dish for an easy weeknight dinner. Kids love it! Serve a salad alongside for a healthy meal.

Serving: 6
Prep Time: 5 minutes
Cook Time: 15 minutes
Total Time: 20 minutes

INGREDIENTS:
1/4 cup honey
2 tbsps frozen orange juice concentrate
1 tsp grated orange zest
1 clove garlic, minced
1/2 tsp salt
1/8 tsp crushed red pepper flakes
6 boneless skinless chicken breast halves
1 tbsp margarine
1/2 tsp vegetable oil
Garnish: green onion, chopped
Garnish: fresh parsley, chopped

DIRECTIONS:
1. In small bowl, combine honey with juice concentrate, orange zest, garlic, salt and red pepper flakes.

2. Rinse chicken with cold water and pat dry. Season lightly with salt. In large non-stick skillet, heat margarine and oil over medium-high heat. Add chicken and cook about 4 minutes, until seared. Turn chicken; cook another 4 minutes until just cooked through.

3. Pour honey mixture over chicken and cook, turning chicken to coat as sauce begins to thicken, about 2 minutes. Serve chicken breasts with honey-orange glaze spooned over the top. Sprinkle with parsley and green onion.

NUTRITIONAL INFORMATION:
Based on individual serving.
Calories: 200
Total Fat: 4 g
Carbohydrates: 14 g
Protein: 27 g

Source: National Honey Board Wen Zientek

Your home will smell like fresh apple pie while this easy dessert is baking.

Serving: 1
Prep Time: 10 minutes
Cook Time: 60 minutes
Total Time: 70 minutes

INGREDIENTS:
apple
brown sugar
cinnamon
raisins

DIRECTIONS:
1. Wash and core one apple per person.

2. Place apples upright in a baking dish.

3. Fill centers of apples with raisins and brown sugar.

4. Sprinkle some cinnamon on top.

5. Bake for one hour at 180 degrees.

NUTRITIONAL INFORMATION:
Based on individual serving.
Calories: 167
Total Fat: 2 g
Carbohydrates: 44 g
Protein: 1 g

Source: Helene Siegel Wen Zientek

I heard about a family nearby that was giving away baby bearded dragon lizards. Knowing my teen daughter would want one I started researching them online. Bearded dragons are quite easy to care for, about the same as tree frogs. The hardest part is keeping enough live crickets onhand. They’re very docile, making them great pets for older children. The only thing you have to watch out for is germs. You must wash your hands after you handle them.

I found some reptile tanks for sale at a very good price on Craigslist, arranged for us to see them and the lizards, and loaded my daughter and her friend in the car. I bought both tanks since the price was so good, and ended up putting my aquatic turtle in one. After a quick trip to Petco (where they sell older bearded dragons for $59 each) and a few quick calls to the lizard owners, we were set with our supplies and headed to see the babies.

Bearded dragons can grow to over 20 inches in length. The babies we looked at were only one to six days old and very tiny. They were about 3 inches long and thin. We saw the parents and learned more about their care. We were in love. We decided to bring two babies home.

Until the babies are three to six months old they can’t live in sand. They can ingest it and get sick. We covered the floor of their tank in rabbit food like the previous owners recommended. We included a heating lamp with ultra violent rays that’s set to stay on 14 hours a day and a hollow half-log they can hide under and climb on. We dip their heads in the water dish everyday, something you have to do until they figure out they need to drink on their own. They eat live baby crickets and Romaine lettuce. One of the lizards was scared of the crickets at first, but he’s now chasing and eating them like he should.

I never imagined I’d have a red-eared slider and bearded dragons in my home, with my dogs, cats, parrots and fish, but I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. When I was a little girl I used to pretend I had a pet store, and dreamed of owning one when I grew up.